in the middle
of something beautiful to happen this year
I walk slow. I walk slow as a rebel to this city’s fast pace. I let the commuters of metro board down before me. I look at the empty metro, bright shining sun, shuffle my playlist, go off to work. The daily routine. Mumbai for its fast pace and Bombay for its dreams, this city has made me constantly uncomfortable. Everything else, therefore, needs to be in my comfort zone. I walk slow in sync with seventy-two heartbeats per minute as decided by biology. However, despite all my efforts, I’ve foolishly rushed into love. Never allowing myself to be mesmerised by it. Do I have the cutesy courtship period? None. When I close my eyes, I see nothing in form of love. Sad? Very Sad. Where there is a dark room instead of a blank slate, everything I so intensely love consumes me. It ends with me making a playlist. So, I made 2024, the year I walk slow in love. Eventually it left with me with bittersweet memories and no one to hold this hand. But I enter in 2025 with Mary Oliver’s words - joy is not made to be a crumb. Leaving the obsession to receive love, we are embracing the big bouts of joy. Joy, in the form of old friendships visiting. Joy, of reading and listening music with my favourite people. Joy, of deep conversations and joy, of connecting with oneself after years of being at war.
Later today, I decided to write. I was watching one of my favourite band’s interview, where the songwriter spoke about his long years of non-writing. When he decided to write - it was more about getting it done, than about getting it perfect. A fear, we all carry. He gave himself a month to write an album and produce whatever came up. You need to get the shit out - so that the good stuff gets in. That’s when I realised, I don’t need to get my shit together to write here. I need to get the shit out. Sometimes, there’s no shit. It’s nothing but a blinking cursor in front of you and you, cursing yourself.
Did you know how long a sun takes to set? Today, it took less than a minute. I was kind of bummed about that. I had decided to take break, watch the sunset, then start to write this blog. To be very honest, it was a way of procrastinating this. Looks like the nature was also not on my side. Naturally, I procrastinated using other distractions, finally resorted to write. I’ve realised that my thoughts are actually way too many. Too overwhelming to write that down. Maybe, not just my walk or being love that needs to slow down, but also my thoughts.
What else does need to be slow?
Umm.