There are times, I have to literally remind myself all the time that being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things right. When you don’t say no, you say yes to things that will bring frustration in your life. Before you know it, your life isn’t about your choices, needs, wants and desires - it’s about how well others can take advantage of your ‘all-time yes’.
I’m sure you have thought about it a lot, why can’t I say no to them or to something? When I questioned myself about the hesitance - one thing was clear, that this happens because we somewhere loose control over our lives. We start living passively. We let things happens to us and then complain about it. Rather, all you have to do is take a little bit interest in whats happening to you and let it go as per your conditions.
A simple trick up my sleeve when I have to say ‘no’ to someone is to think how would I feel if that ‘no’ was said to me. What would I want as reassurance? Petty reasons and disheartened excuses? For example, if I have to cancel a plan with a close friend which we both were looking forward to - how do I do it? A previous people pleaser me would start narrating an essay on how much the friendship means to me, elaborate narratives of what lead to cancellation of plan and hundred reassurances (which definitely the other person won’t believe) on how I will make it up to them. Phew! The amount of overthinking that goes into that and you loose the remaining amount brain cells you’ve got. What’s the alternative then?
Next time you say no, have the confidence in it. You don’t need any reasons or excuses for justifying your stance. When you believe in it, the world will to. That’s a liberating feeling. I’m not saying you won’t loose people on the way. You will. More of, you outgrow everyone who doesn’t understand you they way you would understand them.
Sometimes, no action towards a particular thing can also be the conclusive fact that someone wants to say no but feel hesitant in saying so. The thin line between you hoping the other person would automatically get you without you saying anything. STOP THAT. If you don’t own your denials, you cannot appreciate acceptances.
So, are you comfortable telling your ‘no’s’?
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