You can't make everyone happy. You can't make yourself happy most of the times, so making everybody else happy is demanding too much from yourself. Right? Also, happiness is/looks/feels different for different people. In the naive attempt of making someone happy, like your anger, you even start projecting your happiness on someone. For happiness is something no one is sure about but is still chasing it. I have started a different approach to towards this. Rather than making anyone happy (saying this as a formal people pleaser) I hold space for them to express their feelings. A safe space, a comfortable one. I've been successful, I must say. Recently, one of my mentor who I worked with during the peak of pandemic called me up. She said, "would you like to go on a trip with me?" I was surprised. Overwhelmed. Out of all the people she could ask this, she chose me? Why? I was in Himachal during the time her call came. She expressed how she turned 30 this year and felt like she hadn't done much. She wanted to go on a solo trip, but thought of getting a company. I was peaceful in the mountains, sipping coffee and listening to some song played on the guitar besides me. But when she called, I stepped out of that space, provide my attention to her. If I was with her, I would have hugged her. I would have let her cry, scream, bang her head, feed her and put her to bed. But for now, I settled to hear her with full attention. I told her how I was in Himachal, she should join me or could go on a solo trip. And she made it! She called me up again to say that she would be staying in Auroville for a year now. So, guess where my next trip would be!
Slow living. I've started to embrace this from my beautiful mountain family. I was doing some chores in the house and stopped to see a little girl by the balcony. She was in deep thought. I started to wonder what her childhood is like? Does she have good friends? Does she like playing outside or she enjoys more of television? What are her dreams? I was thinking of every question I wanted someone to ask me when I was her age. A neglectful childhood can scare you in wanting things you know you can't have. But you still yearn, each day, hoping that someone will cross your path and ask you. I'm still waiting, where are you?
My friendships have been the only support these days. They keep me grounded, humble, kind, loving, caring and so on. I would have make it through everything if they didn't hold that space for me. For someone who seems to have a lot of friends but is bad or gets overwhelmed by it, these friendship anchors help me. One of the biggest friendship is music. Everywhere I go, I send a song. You know, we may not talk much after this but listen to it. Keep me close. Other are little things which stick with you after those two or three initial conversations. Like one friend sends me oats dishes he prepares, other one sends Instagram posts of all the live gigs I can attend, other gives or asks book recommendations, other one calls me to hog on few places, other discusses with me all things coffee and I can go on. I've heard a lot of stories where people have faced betrayal in friendships. I could never take that. I'd break. Unlike most people, I don't say you're my friend so casually. You're my goddamn friend, it's one the biggest human connection that encompasses every form of love, care and understanding. This rant is for you stop making friendships for the sake of it. You don't have to do much to be friend. Be there for them and go find a friendship anchor which holds you both close.
Have you created some friendship anchors with someone unknowingly?